Just a girl...: What Kenya taught me (part 2)- God made us perfectly

Growing up in the American culture is a bit difficult for people who have reserved personalities. American culture likes to tell us how we should dress, what we should eat, where we should go, and how we should act. We try to say that we like that everyone is unique and different, however I do not think that we are truly embracing this concept. Growing up, I would be told time and time again "You are too quiet" "You need to come out of your shell" "You should be more outgoing". Basically, "You are not good enough the way God made you." This made me insecure with who I was and still brings me to tears, thinking back on it today. Now, I want to make the distinction between sin and who we are. Obviously I am not saying that sin should be excused by "this is just how God made me", I am referring to the essence of who we are, our personality, our drive, our spirit.

American culture tells us that we should be outgoing, loud, funny, and talkative. This is the way for us to fit in and be "cool". You have to constantly be the life of the party and entertain people. (the entertainment part of our society goes down a whole other path that I will write about sometime else) However, this is not me. I like to have fun as much as the next person, but that may look different to me than to my neighbor. The fact is, I am shy, I am quiet, I am not outgoing, and I am not super talkative. This is who I am and there is nothing wrong with that. I would tell myself this over and over and sometimes it would seem to sink in, but then other times I would just be in distress over who I was and the problems I had with that.

At the beginning of my time in Kenya I was hit with this struggle again. When I am placed in new situations I tend to revert back to this conflict with myself. I felt like I wasn't connecting with people and that everybody else was closer to each other, than I was with anyone. No one from my school came and I literally knew no one before embarking on this trip. I was starting from scratch with everyone, basically an ISFJ's nightmare. I remember sitting in my room, one of the last nights before heading out on our ministry assignments, and just crying because I truly hated who I was. This was a really difficult time in my trip, I was feeling alone and distressed with all the new experiences, people, and things surrounding me. This was a low point of my trip.

Before ministry assignments we learned a bit about Kenyan culture and how to approach it. Brian talked about how Kenyans sometimes find Americans overbearing and "silly", because we tend to make a lot of jokes and enjoy being loud. This is fine, but in order to respect Kenyan culture we were asked to tone it down. This ended up being an aspect of Kenyan culture that was to my advantage. I was already a more subdued American! Throughout the trip I realized that this aspect of me was really to my advantage. It helped me in developing deeper and more meaningful relationships with my Kenyan brothers and sisters. I realized that because of my personality, cross cultural interactions were a bit easier for me. (at least in a Kenyan context) However, I can also see many other cultures who I'm sure are more reserved.

God made me realize that he really had a plan for me. He created me in His image, therefore I am perfect. Through this experience He made me realize my passion for overseas ministry and the tools He has equipped me with to fulfill this passion. I think it is important to remember this. God made you the way He did for a purpose; a beautiful, perfect purpose. I see this now and am excited to use myself (shyness and all) to fulfill this purpose.

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16